“I think I’m gonna be sick!”
Some things just turn our stomach and cause us to turn away - revolted.
Already, in your mind and heart, previous experiences are running through your memory: the smell, the texture, the sight, location or time of day, or not being able to get those sounds out of our heads.
Repulsion is a strong motivator. It causes us to say,
“I’ll never go back there again!”
We’ll avoid, at all costs, repeating that trauma. But the weird thing is, those memories seem to have tentacles. There are whiffs of it in similar places, sights, sounds and tastes, and once again some kind of message is attached to it, like, “I’ll never be free of this. Or, I’m such a despicable pile of dung! ”
We forget or don’t believe...
Life in Christ sets us free. “Who the Son sets free is free indeed.” [ John 8:36]
Like the tormented man living among the tombs - scarred, in chains, filthy, rejected and broken, we hold on to memories that Father says, “As far as the east is from the west so far have I removed them from you and I (Father) will remember them no more.” [Psalm 103:12-19] and [Hebrews 8:10-12]
He’s not the one bringing up our past when we remember our wounds - sometimes we just won’t let our (testimony) point of reference go, because it gives our life meaning, drama and flavor - repulsive though it may be. Other times it is the accuser (Satan) through his messenger boy (Mr.) sin* who speaks constant lies. (See Romans 7).
We first have to let ourselves off the hook from which Jesus set us free. Second, we need to accept our new life and freedom. Third we take thoughts captive asking, “Father, I have this thought about how awful I am - is it from You?” I didn’t think so. Is it from me, because it is a revoting thought of wanting to return to my old life/vomit; it sounds like it is in my voice; no? Oh, Romans 7 - that’s right, you’ve forgiven me and want me to hear your voice (John 10:7-18).
I will dwell there with a new heart and speak your new truths into my life - repulsed by the lies of my past and drawn to the banquet of your gift of life in Christ.
*Note that in Romans sin is identified as a noun (person, thing or idea- an unholy entity) 41 times - once as a verb (action).