Being a father is incredible, and pouring your life into your children can be very similar in how our God pours His life into ours. When asked, “what do you think changes in you when you become a dad?” I immediately think of my first night with Oaklyn Jo. As I look at this wonderful child wrapped in my arms, the whole entire world around me stands still. And for a moment, I am reminded of the love my Heavenly Daddy pours over me as well as this child. With a love as deep and as vast as the ocean for someone so new to this brave new world- it is the same deep and vast love for someone God had already known.
The heartache we feel when our daughter feels pain, or when she is afraid is real. When she aches and cries, we comfort and hold her and reassure her that we have her and remind her of her bravery, strength, and her confidence. What we didn’t realize is that we were to have our God do the same for us this past week…
We were expecting a Nunez Baby #2, and as some of you may know- Oakie Jo is ready for a sibling. So with positive pregnancy tests, we were over joyed to have another life running around the house- drinking water out of Lady’s water bowl, and just filling this house up with more babies. As some of you may know though, our Nunez Baby #2 did not make it. We had a celebration of life for this child this past Sunday at 11 PM.
With aches and cries, we prayed over our little boy or girl and thanked our God for this short amount of time and how much this child’s life has impacted ours. However, there was a point where I didn’t know what to say but hold my wife and wonder,”why so short?” However, I am pulled to a book we read to Oaklyn called “When God made you” and the truth we read to Oaklyn in that book reads true for that baby as well. There is a line that says,” ‘Cause when God made you, this much is true, the world got to meet who God already knew.”
“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” Romans 8:26-27
What we rejoice in now is the fact that God continues having a plan, even for the shortest life. To our surprise, we are actually in high spirits. Not because we didn’t care, not that we are delusional (in Christ, we literally can’t be), not even that we are diffusing or minimizing our loss. But we have this peace that surpasses all understanding that we will meet this little one again. We can have bravery in trusting God that He will continue in His provision for our family (in all areas). He brings about strength to face another day in us and fights the battles of lies and deceit from the enemy. We can have confidence in walking through another pregnancy, knowing full well that whatever circumstances we face, we will speak the name of Jesus. Go back and read it again, because this does not just apply to our story, but could be for yours as well.
So here is the question, will He (God) meet me here too? In the valley, in the trenches, in the shadows. I am certain King David has a reasonable answer for this question,
”If I ascend into heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!” (Psalm 139:8)
Our song as of late is ‘I still believe’ by Jeremy Camp. The words God speaks through Jeremy have been a life-line to me and my Mackenzie as of late. It’s as though He had prepared this song just for us. (that’s just like God isn’t it?) To answer that question, God absolutely will meet us in the valley, in the trenches, in the shadows- not only that, He will be involved in the walking through [see Psalm 23:4], and He will most certainly be involved in the restoring and healing of our soul. [see 1 Peter 5:10]
Because even in the moments of “no return”, God graciously reminds us, that His grace is so abundant (so deep and so vast) that nothing we are pained with can outrun it. Or in the words of Jeremy Camp,
“But it’s now that I feel Your grace falls like rain. From every fingertip, washes away my pain.”
I still believe, in His faithfulness. Even when it hurts. Because even in the midst of brokenness, even in the midst of drought- He grows His roses on barren souls.